I really like fire. Burning wood. A good camp fire. Especially the starting of a fire I find very interesting.
Today I found out that this is a beautiful metaphor of how I function in life. Things I never understood before. Things that I am struggling with.
To begin with, you need some kindling. It must be really dry. Dead wood. Cut or scraped to very thin pieces. Can you imagine once these tiny bits were part of a magnificent tree, full of life? Do you feel the sadness and pain about the death of this tree? Do you miss it?
It is a black, dark and lonely place. Very lonely. The black hole of the soul. And it hurts. It is a scary place. Now sit there and be with it, be with all the discomfort. Then the wood starts to die and mature into the right kindling. Going through death to make room for something new. A new fire. A new idea.
Only when this work is finished properly, the kindle is receptive to the spark that will ignite the camp fire. It starts small. Really small and gentile. Just enough to get things rolling. It takes care and attention. Like a newborn baby.
Then it is time to bring in the bigger pieces of firewood and let them join the feast! Now the party can start and everybody can join the comfort and happiness when they sit around the camp fire.
Now I know why I have failed so many times in my life to start this camp fire in me. Sometimes I am too impatient and try to ignite the fire in the wrong way. I wanted to ignite the big pieces firewood with a single spark. No way. I didn’t take time to let the wood die. I didn’t take the effort to carefully produce small chips of wood. Or the rain spoiled the party because I couldn’t find the spark in time. Or I killed the ‘baby fire’ with a big piece of wood that smothered it. And maybe most importantly… I didn’t understand the process of dying and letting go of the old, trapped in the mourning and grief of the big tree that isn’t anymore. It’s no use to resist the gravity of a black hole. There is only one way. Brace yourself and go through it, knowing it is just a portal. Yes it rips you apart and it will hurt. But there is something beyond the portal you can only dream of. Or better. Trust the process.
I am happy and grateful for this insight. A good day to start a fire. I already know the theme of my next story… it will be about sitting around the camp fire.
I hope I will meet you there! Stay tuned!